Hate and forgiveness
Life can throw many situations that hurt us and impact us in a negative way. From work, to family, or education to death. These hurts, along with those positive aspects of life generally help us build resilience.
But what happens when we have a life changing event, and we just cannot get past it? Over the past few months, I have been looking at the impact on several of the people I see and this pain, anger, frustration, and poor mental health, due to one key event in their past.
Often at the time, you do not realise that this event will negatively shape your world for the foreseeable future, but then subsequent negative experiences are attributed to that one key event.
Two examples, a parent commits adultery, and the child is left abandoned, their world changes and then if they are to get picked on at school, they blame the parents’ adultery. Or a child gets bullied at school, then without the coping mechanisms or support, they can become reclusive, not engaging and subsequently their life path can be fixated on that period of time. I hope to make it clear, that these types of events are things that massively change a person, but holding on to hate just compounds the event.
This is a really tough one to manage, but it is absolutely vital for the person to try and forgive the culprit. This sounds really hard, but ultimately forgiveness is not for the perpetrators benefit, but for your own.
Finding a way to release yourself from these emotionally negative destructive feelings can lead you to a new beginning and to instill hope into your life again. The release you find when forgiving someone gives you the energy and power to focus on the future, rather than hate the past.
Will they remember what they did to you and how it affects you? Probably not in all honesty, but by you forgiving them in your own heart, it will hugely help.
If you hold onto hate and anger today, please think about the words above, this could be the first step to releasing you from those really painful experiences.